What I have failed to mention is that in 6 days I will undergo gastric bypass surgery. I was very excited about it until today. Today I met with the operating room nurse and got some gory details. Like the drainage tube that I'll have to tie up from my neck to take a shower for a week post-surgery. Like the G-Tube that may be necessary for 12-14 weeks if there is a problem.
I am also nervous that even though I go to the drastic measure of cutting my body open to lose weight, I may gain it back. But most of all, I will miss my oldest and dearest friend.
In January I lost a very close friend of mine and my children. She battled cancer for two years and lost. She was my go to person. The friend I would call for any and all ridiculous information. I don't know how I will spend the summer at the pool without her. Her passing has left a gaping hole in my heart and life.
The end of January brought another death. My oldest and dearest friend, who I've known since 1st grade. She battled cancer for a little over a year. Her death was a blow to me. Even though we didn't talk every day, I could call her up and it would be like we didn't skip a beat. I loved her and miss her deeply. Another one of those gaping holes.
In March, my best friend and partner of almost 10 years left me. Sad to know that someone else who I love deeply is leaving me. And this time - by his own wishes. Even though he's still of this world, the dream death has been almost too much to bear. The seeing him and knowing he doesn't love me as I still love him is incomprehensible. How could it be? But, then there's yet another gaping hole.
So here I am, sitting here like swiss cheese and wondering what next. How do I fill these holes?
Is it the right time to give up yet another love of my life... food. My comfort, my joy. From lobster to hot dogs - I love it. 40 years of learning to cultivate and find the right foods to fill the void - whether it be actual hunger, sadness, stress, joy. What about the lobster dinner for two at the Dilworthtown Inn? What about my mother's lasagna? I could bathe in her lasagna. Oh WAIT - my go to stress reliever... McDonald's coke. AAAHHHH... how it helps me sing in perfect harmony!
So, the countdown continues. The questions continue to mount. I'm scared, I'm lonely, I'm overwhelmed, I'm stressed.
Where are my best friends when I need them most?
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