Puzzle Pieces

Last week I was awarded "Special Educator of the Month". To me, this term sounds like I'm a "special" educator. I would've much preferred the term "Special Education Teacher of the Month" See... there I go... can't just be happy about being recognized.

Anyway, a friend posted the blurb my principal submitted about me when nominating me for the recognition on our beloved Facebook and I got many congratulatory, you're so awesome posts. Which IS really awesome. However, one post said "what a great piece to add to your new puzzle."

This is from a grade school friend that I haven't seen in 15 years, who by her Facebook posts I noticed was divorced and noticed that her children went back and forth. So when I was sobbing uncontrollably the first day my children were with their father I reached out for some help. Her words were painful. There is no way around your heart being ripped out every other weekend. Nothing helps stop that hurt except time - and all that does is help you get used to the routine. You fill the void with "me" time. The "me" time that everyone says you so rightly deserve. But this isn't how I wanted to get "me" time.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, when I get my Sherlock Holmes up and start putting pieces together it really tears me up. It's beyond hurtful to realize what my estranged had been up to for two years. This friend said "start a new puzzle." Sounds good, right? But where do you find the pieces? What good can happen in my life that measures up to the old puzzle? The one where my family was intact. My kids slept in their beds every night. My husband slept beside me.

Before I was so hurt and betrayed that I can't breath. What kind of puzzle could I make now?

Even with these questions, I will take my friend's advice and place this piece in my new puzzle. Because I am pretty awesome and I need to keep reminding myself of that everyday.

Countdown: 3 days - Holy Crapoly Batman!!! I'm so excited about clothes shopping - sad though now I don't have any money! Unemployed, husbandless, saving anything extra to buy a house... but I'll look GOOOOOOD!!!